Depression Support: What to Do as a Parent

_{Periodically, we’ll feature insight from “the other side”, i.e. parents, friends, partners and spouses.}

Watching your depressed child struggle is heartbreaking, confusing, frustrating and terrifying. It’s especially challenging when adult children articulate their problems through negative and dangerous behaviors. Many fear they will burden or embarrass their parents if they admit they’re depressed.

Because depression is tied to shame, worry and self-esteem, family support is an important tool toward helping a child heal.

However, adult children are independent; they’re free to make their own choices and decide what’s best for them. As a parent, you may be left trying to determine what role you play and how you can help. Here are three ways to offer support to your child during this difficult time.

3 Ways to Provide Depression Support

Don’t Say “Get Over It”

Dismissive comments such as “get over it” exacerbate the problem. Someone who is depressed would love nothing more than to “get over it” and feel better. It’s important to remember depression isn’t just a case of the Mondays or a temporary funk. It’s a serious illness that takes time to heal.

In an attempt to make your child feel better, you might be inclined to remind them of all the good in their life, such as a successful career or loyal friends. But, being told they “should” feel happy is more likely to make your child feel guilty when they can’t muster up joyful feelings.

What to say instead: Provide unconditional support and remind your child they aren’t alone. Helpful phrases include:

“We’ll get through this together.”

“You’re important and you matter to me.”

“I’m not going to abandon you.”

Keep an Open Mind

Maybe you don’t agree with psychotherapy or perhaps you’ve heard antidepressants don’t work. Now isn’t the time to broadcast your opinions and theories. Your child is struggling with a disease that is already heavily stigmatized. Instead, maintain an open mind about what treatment options are available to your child and if necessary, help them access the resources they need.

Keeping an open mind is particularly important if your child confides in you about the cause of their pain or unpleasant situations they’ve been in. You may not like everything you hear, but setting aside your judgment and conveying openness creates a safe place for your child to talk about what they’re going through.

Learn as Much as You Can

From books to websites to counseling, there is no shortage of information geared toward parents of children with mental illness.

Unfortunately, society still holds on to many preconceived notions about depression. Misinformation and judgment are common. Educating yourself about the disease, symptoms and treatment gives you the power to help your child. It also allows you to gain a deeper understanding of the pain your child is feeling.

But, education isn’t just about skimming a few websites and reading a couple books. It can also help to jump into the weeds. Attending therapy can provide further information and a sense of relief. Helping a family member through depression can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Talking to a professional can alleviate some of your own stress and provide an in-depth education on mental health.

Are you a parent? Share your story.